A cat is a horrible coworker

These are true tales of telecommuting.

I started a new job last week. I quit my office job for a full-time freelance writing gig that’s entirely done from home. The pay is good, the stress is low, and I save myself the several hundred dollars I was spending on gas to commute from my rural home to the city office. Oh – and I can work in sweatpants and no make up. Win.

However, this is my new problem:

Allow me to introduce my home office terrorist new coworker – Cougar, our cat. She is beyond excited that someone is home during the day now to pester. In her world, this is better than a new houseplant to eat.

Sax Guy, my husband, is usually Cougar’s lap buddy. When he comes home, she wants to take a nap and cover him in cat fur. While we’re friendly, she knows that I don’t sit down or sit still long enough for her to get a good cat nap in, so she leaves me alone. I am the food-giver and cleaner of the cat hair. That was, until last week.

Now that I’m in our home office for 8 hours at a time while Sax Guy is off teaching, I’m stationary. So this is what I get:

Normally this would be an “awww…” moment. It’s not. Now that I’m sitting still, the cat can’t. She’s up and down, sitting in front of the screen, plopping her butt on my mouse, climbing over the printer to sit in the window, awkwardly climbing out of the window, tripping, and falling over the printer, sitting on my papers…the list goes on.

The logical people reading this are thinking, “well just shut the cat out of the office! Duh.”

Sure – if I want to hear incessant meowing and general whining all day from the other side of the door. Or come out to find something broken. Hell hath no fury like a feline scorned.

Cougar and I have a truce now -  as long as I give her plenty of attention, play time and the occasional cat treat in the morning before I start into the daily grind, she’ll leave me alone. Or if I bring in my morning coffee. She hates the smell of coffee. Gotta be smarter than the average redhead sometimes.

As soon as I get my bearings, I’ll offer some telecommuting tips. For now, I recommend buying a comfy office chair and an ergonomic keyboard.

Oh, and cat toys.

What in the heck is growing in my flower beds?

Ok gang, we need to hop in the Mystery Machine and help me figure out what these plants are that are taking up a considerable chunk of my flower beds.

(By the way, I didn’t just date myself. Scooby Doo was on the second round of re-runs by the time I entered the world. Now I just made some of you feel old!)

Below are three photos of plants that I’ve never been able to identify. I’m still a flower growing novice, and these plants were long established before I moved to my home, so I need your help. They’re all perennials, and for as much as know, some of them could just be weeds.

First, we have the “stripe-y leaf shrub.” It grows to be about three feet tall every spring/summer, and toward the autumn shoots out small branches with little red buds:

Next, is the “frosted, Julie thinks you’re ugly plants of no purpose.” They’ve never produced flowers, spread like weeds and grow about two feet tall by mid-summer. They choke out my columbines every year.

Finally, the “I realize you’re a ground cover but I don’t know your name” vine. Early spring, it has tiny yellow flowers that sort of resemble snap dragons if you stood five feet away and squinted:

If you can identify any of these plants, you’ll win my love and admiration!

Recipe – ‘Knock you Naked’ brownies

When I need a disclaimer to advise people to keep their clothes on when I serve a dessert, I know the recipe’s a good one.

I made the Pioneer Woman’s Knock You Naked brownies (click the link for the recipe) Saturday to take to a friend. Let me describe them for you in words, mainly because we ate them so fast and I neglected to take a photo.

Here’s what these beauties are – two layers of German Chocolate cake mix disguised as a brownie and sandwiched in between the two is a layer of caramel and chocolate chips. Butter is involved, and that’s a wonderful thing.

Let me put it this way – they’re worth tossing your diet to the wind. Diets are best started “tomorrow” anyway.

They’re easy to make and worth coming down off of your “I only make baked goods from scratch!” high horse (Oh wait, that’s just me? Sorry.).

My only change to this recipe was that I used walnuts instead of pecans to save myself $2, because I was an idiot and left my coupon at home.

Bake them, take them to a party, and be prepared for quizzical looks!

Tip: Never buy green onions again

Every bought a bunch of green onions (scallions), use a few, then forget about the rest and have them turn to mush in the ‘fridge? Those days are over.

Next time you have some green onions, just place them in an old jar with water. They’ll keep growing, and you’ll have a constant supply of fresh veggies!

This is my bunch of green onions after cutting them back for the second time. I’ve been growing this bunch since Easter and have had to cut them back every week. These suckers grow back fast. I end up composing more than I use because I can’t keep up with the things.

I change the water two or three times a week. Although they’re starting to turn a lighter green, I haven’t noticed a difference in flavor.

For the life of me, I wish I could remember where I first learned this trick. I must be getting old. Have you tried it? How long will they keep growing?

Sax Guy’s stuffed crust pizza

We have a very important unwritten rule in our house: My husband always makes the pizza. There are no redheads allowed in the kitchen when it’s pizza night, which is entirely OK with me.

Sax Guy has been playing around with his pizza making techniques for years. He’s always made fantastic pizza, but once I showed him how to use yeast a few years ago, he’s got it down to an art. He follows a basic pizza dough recipe from scratch  but now he adds different herbs and cheeses to make it really pop. It’s a top secret recipe now. I’m married to the man and don’t even know what his exact recipe is.

Recently, he experimented and created a stuffed crust, which was a type of crust stuffed with cheese that restaurant chain Pizza Hut made popular many years ago. It’s very, very easy, and I stalked hovered over him with a camera Saturday to document the process and share it with you. You’ll need either a brick of your cheese of choice, sliced into sticks, or buy cheese sticks. He’s used both and the pizza comes out perfect every time.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Slice up your cheese and prepare your toppings. He used provolone this time in the crust:

2. Place the cheese around the edge of your crust, leaving enough dough along the edge to fold over:

3. Fold over the crust:

4. Slap on your sauce, cheese and toppings:

5. Bake as according to your recipe directions and enjoy!

Sax Guy does offer this tip: Make your dough batch a little larger to accommodate the cheese, or just let it rise longer for some extra dough.

Try it and let me know what you think!